Therapy for Perfectionism
“Joy comes to us in ordinary moments. We risk missing out when we get too busy chasing the extraordinary” - Brené Brown
What happens when the finish line keeps moving?
You are working so hard. To keep it together, to check all the boxes, to just get to that next step where you can finally relax. But it never seems to come. Despite all of your hard work, you might be feeling anxious, unfulfilled, and depleted. You might be feeling frustrated and resentful- other people don’t seem to be as stressed, which doesn’t seem very fair at all. I get it. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
My clients often find themselves caught in a cycle of overperforming, overfunctioning, and left wondering when all of that effort will lead to a break. It’s a rigged game- society tells us to keep working, but the finish line always seem to be moving.
high expectations for yourself and others
having a tough time saying “no”
feeling like you have to be “on” all the time
having a tough time receiving feedback or criticism
feeling like you’re never good enough
“should” is a major component of your vocabulary
delegating is not your strong suit
neither is decision-making
Here’s the problem: society rewards perfectionism.
Let’s think about this. Most forms of human suffering aren’t met with applause. Perfectionism, however, is rewarded by a society that prioritizes success, productivity, and appearance over…well, most things. It’s no wonder we keep working harder and harder until we wake up and realize we’re burned out. Here are some ways perfectionism might show up:
the need to please or "perform” for others
you tend to fixate on mistakes or things that didn’t go according to plan
having to buy the “right” gift, bring the “right” dish to the potluck, or purchase the “right” item
anxiety when the plans change
procrastination
you’re afraid to take chances or try new things
Now, you might be saying to yourself “I know things can’t be perfect, so how could I be a perfectionist?”
True, you got me. My theory is that perfectionism is a bit of a misnomer- instead, it’s rooted more in “never-feeling-good-enough-ism”, or trying to avoid feeling badly about yourself. None of the things mentioned above contain the word ‘perfect’. Yet, if any of the above resonates, then it might be clear that something isn’t working.
The problem with perfectionism is that it is a rigged game where we feel like we are “winning” when things go well, and feel like we’re failing when they don’t. That feeling of failure sucks, and often leads us to try harder at the same goal. However, despite what you may have been told, more effort does not always lead to a better outcome. Sometimes, the goal is to shift the goal entirely. And that’s where I come in.
Whether you’re feeling burned out, a bit crispy, or lightly toasted, you deserve to feel better. Schedule a free consultation call to get started on investing back into yourself again.